Friday, November 20, 2009

Google Wave

Why does Google want to take over all of my day to day activities? Now they want to control waving to people. Has it become so inconvenient to wave that they found it necessary to make life easier for us with this oh so mundane form of greeting? Which brings me to another thing. What happened to proper greetings like bows and curtsies? Why in my day, that wasn't just the norm but the only acceptable form of greeting. Waving was for the derelicts down on skid row and you wouldn't dare associate yourself with them. I remember going for leisurely strolls down the local promenade, politely bowing to every person I saw, well except for the Negros and Chinamen. They had to bow to you first, then it was up to you if you wanted to acknowledge them. I usually did not, except for the small boy that would shine my shoes. I forget his name. Li'l Blacky I think. Or maybe it was Amos.

Also why are actresses so damn fat and ugly these days? Scarlett Johannson and Kate Winslet? Heifers. What happened to all the sexy thin leading ladies, like Jessica Tandy? Forget Jessica Alba. Give me my VHS tape of "*batteries not included", some Gold Bond lotion and my trusty old Army sock any day.

JAMES, GET OFF MY LAWN!

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

AIDS

Why should I worry about AIDS? I'm not black or gay. What if you're black AND gay? Do you instantly become infected with AIDS? Or do you have to get it from doorknobs and hugs like everyone else?

Why did Kellogg's change the formula for Cracklin' Oat Bran? I liked the way it was before. Now it's too cinnamon-y for my liking. Perhaps they did a study and found that people like having their favorite cereals have extra cinnamon flavor. Either way, it still makes me poop with regularity.

JAMES, GET OFF MY LAWN!